EVERYTHING there is to do in Burlington, Wisconsin on a blustery late December Saturday — Part One

On the final Saturday of 2012, we drove to Burlington with friends. Our first stop was The Sci-Fi Cafe and Earth Mysteries Museum.

Sci-Fi Cafe

We were the only customers. Brad, who owns the place with his wife Mary, gave us our pick of the five or six tables and took our breakfast order. He made the meals himself, so we had plenty of time to look around.

It was obvious that the place caters to those who believe (or pretend to believe) in ghosts, U.F.O.s, and odd paranormal phenomena. But at the same time it was filled will all sorts of silly kitsch — inflatable aliens, Star Trek figurines, sci-fi movie posters—that made fun of the that belief.

Sci-Fi Cafe

I had time to grab the chair and take a photo.

Sci-Fi Cafe and Earth Mysteries Museum — Burlington, Wisconsin (12/29/12)

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My friend ordered the green eggs and ham, which was about the closest thing to a paranormal event I’ve ever witnessed.

Sci-Fi Cafe

When we finished eating, we asked if we could see the “haunted cellar.” We were directed through a hallway, down a set of stairs into a parking lot, then down to this doorway.

Sci-Fi Cafe

The small basement was done up as a haunted house — a pathetic, dusty, uninspired haunted house.

Sci-Fi Cafe

A brick was knocked out of one wall. Through the hole, we could see a bit of an opening which may, or may not, have lead to some sort of tunnel. The explanation we were given was that it was connected to a series of tunnels under Burlington that were used as part of the Underground Railroad. I doubt southern Wisconsin saw enough escaping slaves to warrant an entire tunnel system. The tunnels are also listed, along with ancient races, multi-dimensional worlds, vortices, and the inner earth, as things the owners of the Cafe have researched. We did see this one “ghost,” but I had to do some pretty extensive post-processing on the photo to make it look even this scary.

Sci-Fi Cafe

Back upstairs, Brad made sure we took a look in the library. It was an odd mix of books, silly statues, and reproduced Indian artifacts. I’m pretty sure this is where the meet-and -greets with tarot card readers and astrologists take place.

Sci-Fi Cafe

As you can see, we took it all very seriously.

Sci-Fi Cafe

For $25, you can take a Haunted Woods Tour during which you will feed M&M’s to fairies and learn how to “become one with the trees.” While all this is going on, Brad will take double-exposure photos that are evidence, or so you will be told, that you were touched by spirits and entered doorways to parallel universes. We declined.

As we toured Burlington, we asked various local residents what we should see while we were in town. When we said we’d already been to the Sci-Fi Cafe, we were met with a standard, somewhat reserved, reaction — they knew about it but they had never been there themselves.

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