I’m going to do all I can to help you today sir

A few weeks ago, the receiver for our satellite dish went out. We called and were sent a new receiver next-day air. I followed the instructions, but couldn’t get it working. I called tech support and talked with a woman who, after half a hour or so, informed me that the receiver I’d just received had an outdated smart card. She said a new card would be mailed to me, but it would take three to five business days to arrive. I asked if it could be next-day aired, and she said that would cost us extra. This didn’t make a lot of sense, seeing as it was their fault that the receiver they’d just expressed to us had an outdated card. But I’ve become very much resigned to the way the world works, so after grumbling a bit, I got off the phone.

My wife isn’t quite as resigned as I am. She called and talked with somebody or other who said they couldn’t change the shipping method on the new smart card, but they could take some money off our bill and give us two free pay-per-view movies.

The new card arrived yesterday, three business days after I made the call, but as luck would have it, our power was out and I could do nothing with it.

Today, when I came home after work, I took out the outdated smart card and installed the new one. I followed the instructions and soon saw a message on my TV screen informing me that I had to call a certain number to have my new receiver registered. I called the number and had the following conversation (as near as I can remember it — but be assured I am not exaggerating).

Tech: Hello

Me: I’m calling to register my new receiver

Tech: OK. Be assured that I’m going to do all I can to help you today sir. But first can you tell me your name.

Me: Roger

Tech: Roger, can you tell me the number of your new smart card?

Me: (reads the number)

Tech: OK Roger, I will register your receiver at this time. This will take three to five minutes. When it is registered, Roger, you will see a new message on your screen.

Me: OK

Tech (20 seconds later): Roger, do you see a new message on your screen yet?

Me: Not yet

Tech: (10 seconds later): So … Roger, are you still seeing the same message on your screen?

Me: Yes, still the same message. I will tell you when the new message comes up.

Tech: OK Roger

Tech: (20 seconds later) Roger, OK, do you have a new message on your screen at this time?

Me: No. Still the same message.

Tech: Let me know if you see a new message.

Tech (when I didn’t immediately respond): Roger, are you still there.

Me: I’m still here. I haven’t gotten the new message yet.

Tech: Can I put this call on hold for a few minutes, Roger?

Me: OK (followed by about 20 seconds of music)

Tech: Roger?

Me: Yes?

Tech: Have you seen a new message on your screen yet?

Me: Not yet

(This actually went on for probably ten minutes, but I’ll cut it short.)

Tech: Hmmm. Can you read the new smart card number to me again.

Me (reads the number again)

Tech: OK Roger, at this time I will register your receiver. This should take three to five minutes.

Me (trying not to laugh out loud) OK

Tech (20 seconds later): When this is finished, Roger, you should see a different message on your screen.

Me: OK

Tech: So … Roger. Have you gotten a new message on your screen yet.

Me: No. It’s still the same message that was there when I called you.

Tech: OK Roger. It should be coming up soon.

Me: OK

Tech: What are you doing today Roger?

Me: What am I doing?

Tech: Yes, Roger. What are you doing.

Me: Well … I just got home from work and now I’m trying to get my TV to work.

Tech: I see. Well, Roger, let me know if a new message comes up on your screen.

Me: I will. Oh, wait, I just got the new message.

Tech: OK Roger. Now, take your remote and push the SAT button.

Me: OK, I’m doing it.

Tech: Are the lights flashing red?

Me: No, nothing is happening.

Tech: OK, Roger. Do you have batteries in your remote?

Me: Yes

Tech: Are they properly installed, Roger?

Me: Yes

Tech: OK Roger, let me just check here. What TV shows do you like to watch Roger?

Me: A lot of stuff, sports.

Tech: What channel

Me (trying to avoid the conversation): ESPN

Tech: Oh, ESPN. That’s a good channel Roger

(At this point, I figured out that the remote wasn’t doing what he wanted it to do because he hadn’t told me to cancel out of the screen on my TV, so I took over and talked him through the rest of the process until I got my TV working finally.)

Tech: OK Roger, I’m happy that I was able to help you get your TV working. If you have any other problems, don’t hesitate to call.

This entry was posted in Life Is Weird. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I’m going to do all I can to help you today sir

  1. Carol says:

    Too much fun for you today…. :/

  2. beth says:

    hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahah that just made me lol really hard

Comments are closed.