We recently purchased a Mercury. It’s a good car that has been well taken care of by its former owner. My wife drives it, and she likes it.
But it didn’t take long for me to notice a difference between it and the Honda I’ve driven for the past 25 years. On the day we bought the Mercury, I noticed that one of the brake lights was out.
When a brake light went out on my Honda, I followed these steps:
- Drive to the auto parts store.
- Pop the trunk.
- Turn the large handle (by hand) and remove the light cover.
- Twist the socket out of its hole.
- Remove the light bulb.
- Purchase a replacement light bulb.
- Place the new bulb in the socket.
- Twist the socket back into its hole.
- Replace the light cover.
- Close the trunk.
- Drive home.
Total elapsed time — 15 minutes
Total cost — $1.50
Here are the steps I took to replace a brake light on the Mercury.
- Pop the trunk to make sure the process is as simple as it was in the Honda.
- Remove the tabs that hold the carpeting to the trunk sides.
- Bend down the carpeting to expose the lights.
- Locate the rubber cup that appears to be the socket for the brake light.
- Attempt to twist the cup off.
- Attempt to pull the cup off.
- Attempt to twist and pull simultaneously to get the cup off.
- Get the owner’s manual from the glove compartment.
- Read the directions for replacing a brake light.
- Reread the directions for replacing a brake light.
- Look at the illustration next to the directions for replacing a brake light.
- Try to figure out if the illustration is illustrating the directions for replacing a brake light.
- Call my wife.
- Hand my wife the owner’s manual to see if she can make any more sense out of it than I could.
- Watch as my wife attempts to twist and/or pull the cup off.
- Wife suggests that somebody at the auto parts store will probably know how to replace the light bulb.
- Wonder if any of the bolts that stick out into the trunk might give access to the light but dismiss that idea as way too complicated.
- Drive to the auto parts store.
- Purchase a new light bulb.
- Ask the man behind the counter if he knows how to replace the bulb.
- Walk out to the car with the man and watch as he attempts to twist and/or pull the cup off.
- Thank the man for trying to help.
- Drive two miles down the road to the mechanic.
- Explain the problem to the man in the office.
- Man calls a mechanic to change the light bulb.
- Mechanic takes my keys and drives my car into a bay.
- Follow the car into the bay and watch as the mechanic tries to twist and/or pull the cup off.
- Mechanic walks across the shop to get an electric drill and attaches a socket.
- Mechanic attempts to remove a bolt from the inside of the trunk.
- Mechanic then walks across the shop again and tries a different socket.
- Mechanic removes five nuts from bolts sticking into the trunk.
- Mechanic replaces two of the nuts onto bolts because they have nothing to do with the brake light.
- Mechanic removes a two-foot long section of lights from the rear of my car.
- Mechanic twists the socket out of its hole.
- Mechanic removes the light bulb.
- Mechanic installs the new light bulb.
- Mechanic then walks across the shop to get a rod.
- Mechanic places the rod in the front seat in such a way that the brake pedal is held down.
- Notice that the brake light does not go on.
- Mechanic then walks across the shop and gets a wand to test the power.
- Mechanic sticks the wand into the socket. It lights up.
- Mechanic removes the wand and inserts the light bulb. It does not light up.
- Mechanic removes the light bulb and sticks the wand into the socket. It lights up.
- Mechanic removes the wand and inserts the light bulb and wiggles it. It lights up while it’s being wiggled but goes out when it’s not being wiggled.
- Mechanic explains that the problem is in the socket. He removes the socket and hands it to me.
- Mechanic sets the two-foot long section of lights into the back of the car and attaches the three nuts.
- Walk into the office and explain that the problem wasn’t fixed but it was identified. I ask how much I owe and pay $5.00.
- Drive back to the auto parts store and hand the faulty socket to the man behind the counter.
- Man says one word — “dealer.”
- Drive seven miles to the nearest Mercury dealer.
- Walk inside and stand in front of the counter for 10 minutes while at least 12 men in dealer uniforms chat and laugh with each other.
- Step up close to the counter so I can’t help but be noticed.
- Man behind the counter finally asks if he can help me. I show him the socket.
- Man tells me I’m in Service. I need to be in Parts. He points me in the right direction.
- Walk into the Parts department and stand in front of the counter while six men in dealer uniforms busily push buttons on their computers.
- Man tells me he’ll be with me as soon as he can, then walks out of the room.
- Second man looks at me and says something consisting of at least 12 words, none of which I understand because he’s saying it as he’s walking out of the room.
- Continue standing.
- Third man, after wait of about seven minutes, gets off the phone and asks if he can help me.
- Hand third man the socket.
- Man types something in his computer and says that the part is not in stock but that he can order it.
- Ask how long it will take to get it.
- Man says it is in Chicago and should be available the next day.
- Give man my name and phone number and listen to him say he will call as soon as the part is in.
- Drive home.
- The next day, wait for a phone call that doesn’t doesn’t come.
- The day after that, wait for a phone call that doesn’t come.
- Look up the dealership on the Internet so I can call and ask if the part is in. Every click I try to make on the website looking for a phone number for the Parts department takes me to a form on which I can order parts.
- Decide to stop at the dealer on the way home, just in case.
- Drive to the dealer.
- Walk into the Parts department and stand there while seven men in dealer uniforms eat donuts and belch.
- First man from two days earlier again says he will be will me as soon as he can.
- Man asks, after a wait of about six minutes, how he can help me.
- Tell him I’m there to pick up a part and give him my name.
- Man looks it up on the computer, then asks if I’m waiting for a light bulb.
- Explain that I’m waiting for a light socket.
- Man looks at his computer again, then lumbers into another room.
- Man comes out with my part after five minutes or so.
- Pay for the part.
- Drive home.
- Open the trunk.
- Unscrew the bolts from the inside of the trunk by hand.
- Remove the two-foot section of lights from the read of my car.
- Attach the socket to the wire.
- Place the new light bulb in the socket.
- Step on the brake pedal to make sure it works. It does.
- Replace the two-foot section of lights.
- Thread the three nuts onto the bolts on the inside of my trunk as far as I can by hand.
- Discover that the bolts don’t fit any of the sockets on my conventional or metric socket set.
- Tighten the bolts with an adjustable wrench.
- Lay the carpeting against the wall of the trunk.
- Replace the tab.
- Close the trunk.
Total elapsed time — 4 days
Total cost —$25.25
regarding # 51: that has been my experience every time I’ve walked into a dealership.