Ringo Starr has announced that he’s too busy to receive fan mail any longer. Any requests for autographs or other fan mail received after October 20 will be thrown away. He’s received quite a bit of criticism for making this statement, but I can understand how he feels. I wouldn’t want the problem of having to deal with thousands of pieces of mail every day.
In fact, in order to avoid that problem, I’ve decided to take steps now to eliminate it. Beginning October 20, I too will be unable to sign autographs. I don’t want to cut off my fans entirely, so I’ve decided that, instead of tossing my fan mail in the garbage, I will dump it into a lottery drum and randomly choose one piece of mail each week to answer. That way, all my fans will have an equal opportunity to get a response from me.
If I had any fans.
And if I get any mail.
Also, I don’t have a lottery drum, so I’ll be using my dryer.
On a (probably) unrelated subject: Last night after dark I was walking through my neighborhood. I heard somebody call out up ahead of me but paid no attention. Moments later I walked past a woman who was standing on the sidewalk. She said, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my daughter.”
I was tempted to ask her how long she’d been suffering under that misconception, but instead I just smiled and said, “Not that I know of.”