Ever since my daughter and son-in-law moved to Germany in the summer of 2016, we’ve been planning a trip to visit them. Finally our plans worked out. We left at 6:30 am Mountain Time on a Wednesday morning. We parked in the remote Pikes Peak lot (for $8/day) and took a shuttle bus to the terminal. We were flying Delta, which must have the slowest, least efficient boarding method on the planet. We actually began boarding a full hour before our 10:30 take-off. On the good side, Delta has TV screens built into the back of the seats, so I was able to watch Johnny English Strikes Again during the three-hour flight. I also squeezed in the first episode of the new season of Last Man Standing with the new actress playing Mandy. I was disappointed.
Our layover in Atlanta was more than two hours. By the time we found our new gate, it was after 4:00 local time. We bought sandwiches at Subway and waited for another laborious boarding. When we finally made onto the plane, we had a short row of two seats next to the windows over the wing. We noticed right off that the seats are as tiny and the leg room is as inadequate on international flights as on domestic flights. Who cares if the passengers are comfortable, as long as there are a lot of them.
A flight attendant came by with a plastic tub full of napkins and a pair of tongs. She carefully pulled out a hot, wet napkin and handed it to us with the tongs. We looked at each other and laughed, not sure what it was for. We saw other passengers wiping their hands, wiping their arm rests, wiping their fold-down trays. We did all three, just to conform. Another attendant came by and gave us each an eye shade.
I had been excited about watching as we flew over the coast and out over the ocean, but when I looked at our flight plan on the screen, I saw that we were headed north all the way to Newfoundland before clearing land. Beside, we were high above the clouds. Through a short break in the cover, I think I saw a slice of Chesapeake Bay but shortly after that it got dark and I couldn’t see another thing until after dawn. So I watched Big on the seat-back screen.
The flight attendants offered us a hot supper of chicken and potatoes. It kept us from starving, but that’s about all I can say for it. Along with the main course, we got an inedible roll, a couple pieces of cheese, a cookie, four grapes (Really. I counted.) and a small salad.
Each of us was given a small pillow and a thin blanket. We tried to sleep, but the seats were so uncomfortable that neither of us managed to knock off for more than a minute or two. I gave up after a couple hours and used the pillow for lumbar support. I watched three more episodes of Last Man Standing and then started Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. My wife was reduced to playing trivia games on the seat-back screen.
Our flight attendant was German and had a way about her. She seemed really unfriendly most of the time, but once or twice she smiled and did something kind. About an hour before landing, we were given a boxed breakfast of yogurt, a muffin, and a piece of cheese. The attendant offered me coffee, tea, or water. I asked for a Diet Coke. She stared at me like I’d just asked if I could go outside and dance on the wing. Then after a three or four second pause she said, “My sister drinks Coke in the morning, so I’ll get you one.” And she did. But that was the last time she seemed at all friendly.
After dawn, the clouds broke. I could look down on Europe. According to the flight plan on the screen, I was seeing Belgium. I also saw when we crossed a couple ranges of hills and passed over the Rhine River.
We landed at 7:50 am local time, which was 11:50 pm the night before in Colorado. We made it through customs without incident. The agent asked me the purpose and duration of our trip and then waved me through. My wife got a third question she didn’t understand, but when she responded with confusion, she was also waved through.
Our daughter wasn’t waiting for us as we expected. We soon found out that the phone number we had for them was wrong. But we didn’t panic. We waited in the terminal and after a couple minutes, they showed up.
We piled into their Volkswagen and set off through Stuttgart. Right away, I learned my first German word — ausfahrt. It means “exit.” The exclamation point sign is a warning. The word beneath it, strassenschaden, means “road hazard.” The snowflake sign basically means “icy when wet.” The numbers are speed limits, in kilometres, of course. I spent a lot of time in the next eight days in the back seat of a Volkswagen. I entertained myself by trying to decipher the meaning of signs.
We headed for the apartment in the Panzer Kaserne Barracks. The buildings were originally built in 1938 for the German Army and were used by tank brigades during the war. They’ve all been remodeled and modernized, so there’s very little “old” feel. I was astounded (and still am) to discover that the gate guards at all the U.S. military posts are German. We had to hand over our passports every time we entered the post, and every time, the guard had to check to see we were on the list.
