Listing Through Life

The White Sox recently announced that the name of their ballpark will soon change to Guaranteed Rate Field. That just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? The fact that the logo consists of a giant arrow pointing straight down is unfortunate. I mentioned this to a friend who is a White Sox fan. I said it didn’t bode well for the team. He replied, “Bode nothing … It’s belaboring the obvious.”

If I have to find something good to say about the name it is this: A generation of baseball fans will know how to spell “guaranteed.” If there are any fans …

U.S Cellular Field wasn’t great either, although it was generally referred to as “The Cell,” which wasn’t awful.

Some other current Major League parks have names that are lacking that certain something.

• AT&T Park in San Francisco sound like a place for playing golf and sipping beverages out of china cups.
• Citizens Bank Park, where the Phillies play, just goes “clunk.”
• Globe Life Park in Arlington, the Rangers’ stadium, is vying with the White Sox for worst name of all.
• Minute Maid Park in Houston would be a great name for a track and field stadium. Baseball, not so much.
• PNC Park in Pittsburgh is bland.

There are a few corporate-name fields that aren’t bad — Target Field, Chase Field. The best has to be Cincinnati’s Great American Ball Park.

A few years ago, there was talk of the Cubs selling naming rights to Wrigley Field. The “purists” rose up in revolt, protesting the commercialization of the classic ballpark. Really? Do you actually think William Wrigley, Jr. didn’t have his product in mind when he chose to change the name from Cubs Park?

I’ve always been a bit surprised that the Wrigley company didn’t do more with the Cubs. I know they don’t own the team or park anymore. But why not put a little electronic sign somewhere in the stands that flashes advertisements for the various gum brands when certain things happen on the field.

• Spearmint — when a Cub player makes a great defensive play
• Big Red — when a Cub pitcher strikes out a batter
• Doublemint — when a Cub hits a double
• Juicy Fruit — when a Cub hits a home run
• Orbit — when a home run leaves the park
• Freedent — when a home run hits the video board (get it?)
• Extra — when a Cub steals a base
• Hubba Bubba — when … I’ve got nothing for this one.

If this ever actually happens, I want royalties.

But all this got me thinking. What other businesses should, or shouldn’t, buy naming rights to Major League parks?

• There are a few that are so obvious it surprises me that the deals haven’t been made already — Ball Park Frank’s Ballpark or Cracker Jack Stadium.
• I’ve already mentioned that Cincinnati has a good name with Great American Ballpark. But if they partnered with either of the local Cincinnati Chili franchises and ended up with Skyline Stadium or Gold Star Park, those would be pretty good too.
• A.1. (Steak Sauce) Ballpark would be good. Worcestershire Stadium not so much.
• Piggly Wiggly Park? Might be fun.
• Parkay Park is memorable. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Field isn’t.
• Captain Crunch Park would be great. Fruit Loops Field would not be great.
• Smashburger Stadium seems like a no-brainer. But Five Guys Field would just confound all the younger fans and destroy any math aptitude they might be developing.
• Whether Gap Park works depends on whether it’s the home team or the visiting team that’s hitting the gaps.
• Who wouldn’t want to play in Starkist Stadium?
• Green Giant Field is a natural for the Oakland A’s.
• Goodyear Park seems like a good fit.
• Dirt Devil Stadium works on a couple of levels, as does NoDoz Park.

Marvel Comics should partner with a team. The players could wear spandex and capes. There could be comic book/baseball crossovers like “The Fantastic Four vs. The Minnesota Nine.” And maybe they could come up with a way to turn video board replays into comics.

Some teams change their park name fairly frequently. So why not sign a deal with a movie studio and change the stadium name every month to promote new movies? This could result in …

• (500) Days of Summer Field
• A Few Good Men Ballpark
• Clint Eastwood’s spaghetti western could give us The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Ballpark.
• You could have Gone with the Wind Field. But you could also end up with Failure to Launch Field or A Series of Unfortunate Events Stadium.
• I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With Stadium?
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Park?
• Some great ones — The Thin Man Goes Home Field; True Grit Stadium; Unstoppable Park; Die Hard Field.

Snickers Stadium or Chuckles Field seem appropriate for say … Milwaukee.

You’d think Baby Ruth would have connected with some team. Yes, the candy company claims that the candy bar was named after the daughter of President Grover Cleveland. But since it came out in 1921 when Babe Ruth was becoming a superstar and when Ruth Cleveland would have been 30 if she hadn’t, in fact, been dead for 17 years, I’m skeptical.

And while we’re on candy names, I’ll end with what I’ve decided would be the worst possible name for a ballpark — Butterfinger Field.

When the 2016 baseball season began and it became immediately apparent that the Cubs were very, very good, I decided I couldn’t let the year go by without seeing at least one game. Miller Park, in Milwaukee is almost twice as far from my house as Wrigley Field (74 miles vs. 40 miles) but the time it takes to get to both of them is almost identical. Brewers’ tickets are also cheaper. I picked a Tuesday in September because … I don’t remember why.

As it turned out, I managed to get to Wrigley twice during the year but I didn’t mind a third game. My wife came along. We drove up and arrived about an hour and a half before game time.

The game on Monday (Memorial Day) had been sold out — 42,200. I expected the same this night but it wasn’t nearly as crowded. There were 32,888 in the park (probably 60% Cubs fans).

Statues of Robin Yount and Hank Aaron outside the park.

We strolled all the way around the park on the main level.

Looking in from center field at Cubs batting practice.

Our seats were in the upper deck above third base. We were on the aisle and our view of much of the field was blocked by the railing around a stairwell.

I heard an announcement about a statue of Bob Uecker, Brewers’ broadcaster. It’s a take-off on a famous commercial. I headed up to get a photo and found myself in a short line. The young woman in front of me apologized for taking so many photos of her family and then volunteered to take one of me.

It was very humid and we were dripping wet. As game time approached, nobody sat in the row in front of us. We moved down, expecting to have to move back up soon, but nobody ever came to sit in those seats so instead of a blocked view, we had this.

First pitch — Wily Peralta to Dexter Fowler

The game started out well. Anthony Rizzo hit a solo home run. I happened to take a picture of the very swing.

From there on, it was all downhill. Jason Hammel pitched for the Cubs and he did not have his good stuff. His first pitch in the bottom of the first was hit for a home run by Jonathan Villar. Tommy LaStella at third fumbled a ground ball that should have been a double play (although it was scored a hit). In the photo below,  the bases are loaded with Domingo Santana at the plate. He singled to drive in two. Five Brewers scored before the inning was over as the Brewers sent 10 batters to the plate.

In the top of the second, Miguel Montero hit a solo home run to make it 5-2 and the Cubs fans in the stands were given a little hope. Here he is rounding third.

Milwaukee scored again in the fourth to go up 6-2, but I still felt like the Cubs could make a game of it. Until the sixth when Ryan Braun hit a three-run home run off Hammel who was still, inexplicably, in the game. But not for long.

The Sausage Race took place after the sixth. The hot dog won going away.

Rizzo homered again in the eighth — hitting the right-field foul pole. Here he is being congratulated by Ben Zobrist who had doubled in front of him. That made it 10-4, Brewers.

The Brewers scored two more in the bottom of the eighth to make it 12-4 and most of the Cub fans left. We stuck it out to the very end. We got to see Albert Almora Jr. bat.

We also saw journeyman Munenori Kawasaki, just called up from the minors. He knows very little English but somehow manages to be one of the funniest guys in baseball. He managed to slap a double to left to score Montero who had doubled.

Here’s Kawasaki on second talking with Brewers’ shortstop Orlando Arcia who also speaks very little English. That must have been a fun conversation.

That was it. Brewers won 12-5. Cubs were sloppy, with a couple wild pitches and two (should be three) errors.

As we were walking through the parking lot, several Cub fans were singing “Go, Cubs, Go.” The man walking next to us with his wife said, “Do you think we’re the only four sober people in the lot?” I agreed that there was a good chance.

I had the red chair along but didn’t feel like taking it inside with me because it was so damp and miserable out. I settled for pre- and post-game shots on the roof of our car.

We got home at 11:30. It would have been nice if the Cubs had won, but we saw Rizzo hit two home runs and had a good time.

My sister called me on Wednesday evening and said friends of hers had given her a couple free tickets to the Cubs-Brewers game on Thursday afternoon and did I want to go? I had to rearrange my schedule a little. (Fortunately, I have a mother who understands when her son cancels a lunch date to go see the Cubs.)

I took the Metra train downtown, then walked to State Street and caught the Red Line subway/el to Addison Street, a block from the park. It took two hours and 45 minutes to get from my house to Wrigley. I waited by the Harry Carey statue outside the bleacher gate and ate one of the Blue Bunny ice cream bars that a pleasant young lady was handing out for free.

When my sister and her friends arrived, we headed to our seats.  We were one section over — maybe 40 feet — from where I sat for the first game of this home stand. It was a hot day — the temperature/humidity index sat at 90º — and there wasn’t much breeze where we were, but I was very glad we were out of the sun.

I purchased a hot dog, fries and a Diet Pepsi. I expect to pay more at the park, but this was ridiculous.

The Air and Water Show was taking place on the lake front a couple miles away. A Navy team parachuted into the park during the National Anthem.

The Cubs, who had won the first three games in the series, got off to a good start in this one, with two runs in the first. Kris Bryant singled and scored.

In the third, Bryant hit a long home run to left, driving in Matt Szczur. Here he is approaching third.

A walk and a couple hits resulted in another run. Cubs were up 5-0 and it looked like a cake walk.

The couple in the seats next to me sat down in the third inning and left about six minutes later, never to return.

Jake Arrieta had a no-hitter two outs into the fourth, but he walked two batters and then gave up a home run to Kirk Nieuwenhuis and suddenly it was a game again.

Not to worry. The Cubs came back with two in the bottom of the inning on back-to-back-to-back doubles by Szczur, Bryant and Rizzo. Here’s Bryant’s.

Arrieta walked two in the fifth but escaped without giving up any runs thanks to a pick off at first by catcher Willson Contreras. Arrieta then gave up a lead off homer to Hernan Perez to begin the sixth, walked two more Brewers and was out of the game after 5²/³ innings. (He walked seven in the game.)

Spencer Patton entered and walked two more to score a run. It was now 7-5 and the Cubs lead didn’t seem very secure. Never fear. Bryant came up again and hit a homer to dead center. Here he is nearing home.

Both teams scored a single run in the eighth. Bryant drove in Baez with a single. It was his fifth hit in five at-bats, including two home-runs. This was historic. He had a three homer, two double game against the Reds earlier in the year. He is the first National Leaguer and only the second player ever to have two five-hit, two-homer games in a season. Only 17 players have two in their career. Here’s his final hit.

Aroldis Chapman came in for the save in the ninth. Here’s Nieuwenhuis grounding out to Rizzo on a 101 mph fastball to end the game followed by the post-game celebration and the raising of the “W” flag.

The game ended at 4:40, three hours and 21 minutes after it began. I headed off into the crush of people jamming onto the el. I detrained north of the river and walked along the new Riverwalk back to the station where I just had time to buy a bottle of pop and catch the express. I walked in the door of my house at 7:30, about as sweaty and sticky as a man can be.